I’m not even sure if anyone reads this thing anymore. But okay, hey there, I’m alive. I’ve wanted to write a new post for months. In doing so, I must have experimented with a variety of voices: cheerful, chatty, sad, and insightful. It gets hard to find your voice sometimes, the voice that resonates the most with you, on a relatively permanent basis. The voice you feel comfortable to adopt, and the voice that will not embarrass you when you look back on it. There’s this identity crisis sometimes, that’s what more action and less recollection costs you. I’m not even sure I’m making sense anymore.
Something has been preoccupying my thoughts. A couple days back, I had a parent figure voice it out to me that they felt like I was going far away from them, and they had no idea why. I cried as I read that message. This is not something unnatural. It happens all the time, doesn’t it? And in a way, I can imagine that’s what happens when the kids grow up, their troubles are no longer minute enough for them to come running to you every time, and you are still the same. But they’re not. And everything’s different. What is it about childhood that deems it so pure, so innocent? And what is it about growing up that robs you of that self-satisfaction, that sense of protection. Well, until you’ve found yourself standing alone against the rest of the World, you may not be able to answer that. And I’m pretty sure; we’ve all felt that way one time or the other.
So you grow up sometimes, and the people around you are the same. You could have been friends since middle school, but now you’re finding it hard to relate to the other, or now you both have different experiences to speak of. The pieces of the puzzle that used to fit perfectly, now hang loose. And it’s scary and sad at the same time. For you to harbor the same sentiments towards someone, is it necessary to have useless banter everyday? Or do you just need some quality discussion every now and then? How do you make the people that you want to remain in your life, remain? What if fate still intervenes?
These are some heavy questions. And I’ve decided to do what I can and have faith that the rest will work out, and time will make things fall into place. But I still worry.